Summer's here again, that wonderful time of the year when people who have no freakin' clue don their most poorly-considered clothes. Even the marked increase in skin-to-clothing ratio isn't enough to save most folks from falling into fashion quagmires galore. It's not like we want Armani and Prada, people. Just try to steer clear of these ridiculous warm-weather faux pas, will you?
MEN
Wifebeaters
Best case scenario: you have pecs the size of watermelons and flexing your abs dissolves ladies' underwear within 50 feet. You'll still look like a self-centered douche from Jersey Shore. At least stick a friggin' button-down shirt over that. Nothing fancy, just something to cover up the tribal tat around your bicep.
Shorts with tube socks
This is even worse than socks with sandals. Nothing makes us lose our lunch faster than a dude with his chicken legs sticking out of a pair of awkwardly short shorts, girded to the mid-calf with white tube socks. We suppose if you're going for that "still live in your parents' basement" look that's all the rage amongst many IT professionals, go for it. We'll just be over here getting some. Stylish alternative: footy socks.
Tiny jogging shorts
99% of dude legs are unattractive, and the more you keep them hidden, the better. Know what's not good at hiding legs? Tiny, plastic, flaming electric yellow jogging shorts. That's to say nothing of how these mothers turn see-through when soaked in sweat, and how way too many joggers opt into the "running without undies" program. Save our eyes - jog in something that covers your thighs.
Linen pants
Linen pants are great for about ten seconds, during which you look like a Sicilian mob boss surveying his olive orchards in the warm Mediterranean sunlight. Immediately after that, they look like you balled them up, stomped on them, ran them through a cement mixer, and then shot them with a Hydroreactive Wrinkle-Ray 3000. Save yourself a double scoop of looking-like-crap and get some chinos instead.
Fanny packs
Fanny packs sound like such a good idea. They're small and lightweight so they'll hold your keys, wallet, phone, and Glock without the weight and bulk of a backpack. In practice, though, nothing screams "I have an extreme desire to prevent human contact" like a low-slung belly bag. Get yourself a classy messenger bag and put up with the bulk in exchange for a healthy upgrade in class.
Visible panty lines. This includes thongs that stick up above the pants waist. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Colored bras or underwear that can be seen through clothing. For example, a black bra with a white shirt. You're not Carrie Bradshaw, and even she wouldn't get away with it except that she's actually a famous actress on a hit cable TV show.
Ill-fitting bras. If your cup runneth over, it's time for a bigger size. Avoid the uniboob look by carefully selecting your sports bras.
Fit Faux Pas
Shirts with fabric that pulls. Watch especially for material gaping between buttons.
While different sleeve lengths are acceptable, shirts that are obviously meant to be long-sleeve to the wrist and are one or two inches too short are noticeably ill-fitting.
Pants that are too tight. By all means, avoid the dreaded camel toe.
Pants the wrong length. Tall sizes are available; you can find them through a variety of designers and in many price ranges. And conversely, if even petite pants are too long, find a good tailor.
Droopy pants. If you're not a gang member, don't dress like one.
Accessories Faux Pas
Dark socks with white shoes. Also, white socks with dark shoes. (Think Michael Jackson.)
Socks with sandals. One is for winter, the other for summer. The same goes with nylons and sandals. With peep-toed shoes, don't wear pantyhose or you'll have the webbed-toe look.
While white is now considered all-season by many, it goes over much better if you are a celebrity. If not, tread with caution. Another seasonal faux pas is wearing a straw/summer type hat before Memorial Day. Not an issue many have to deal with, but beware events that call for hats, because there will definitely be party-goers there who will be taking note.
One more general note. Looking sloppy is always in poor taste. Over the past decades, more casual clothes for day wear have been created. But this is being taken to the extreme. Not only do people wear sweat clothes every day, but now you will see people in pajamas and slippers wandering into the local coffee chain for their breakfast. With any luck, this trend will begin to die out.
SFA is a place of higher learning. When coming to college, you come to better yourself in every aspect. College is supposed to prepare you for your future. So why is it that when it comes to the men around SFA campus they seem to be all for bettering their education but not themselves.
When I'm walking through campus I see young men still sagging their pants like they are in high school. Not just wearing their pants a little loose but actually having their pants down to their knees where they can't walk unless they are holding up their pants. What is so cute about having your butt sticking out all day? Nothing! Sagging started in jail. Homosexual inmates sagged their pants in order to let the other prisoners know they were gay or were already taken. In the '90s it became gang related in southern California. If someone's pants were sagging they were part of a gang. If sagging has such negative meaning behind it, why is it that today's youth embraces it as if it is the best thing to support.
Some guys wear these little baby tee shirts with vulgar or explicit wordings printed across the front. So not only do they look like they have on their little brother's shirt but they are offending people. Find a shirt that fits your size, not a shirt that makes you look squished and uncomfortable.
The purpose of a do-rag is for hair grooming only. Not an accessory to your new outfit. The only time it is acceptable to wear a do-rag in public is when you are in route to the barber shop. Do-rags should not be worn out to parties, to work, on dates or anywhere else where one is mingling with the general population.
Tall tees are out and they never should have been in. Why is it that there is always some five-foot-one little man who wants to wear a tall tee. Clearly, if the shirt says "tall" on the tag it isn't meant for short people. When guys just throw on a tall tee with some jeans and call it a day, it seems like a cover up for the fact that they really can't dress.
Don’t even match a blue bag to your blue shoes to your blue nail polish and your blue makeup unless you are trying out for the Blue Man Group.
I know it can be confusing because fashion people actually say monochromatic colours make you look taller and slimmer, and it’s true. But don’t take everything you read so literally, and match the exact shades of blue to your jacket, pants, shoes and accessories.
It’s much better to edit your accessories, look polished and simple if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Break the rules in fashion, and make your own style look effortless rather than “Gee, I had no idea what to wear with this awesome lime green top, so I bought lime green Crocs to go with them and this lime green purse is FAB!”
The only exception to the rule seems to be white or ivory clothing. All in white or ivory, with a simple black belt and brown sandals is somehow chic.
Of course, I can be totally wrong altogether because some people pull off that matchy-matchy look well, but if you aren’t confident or well versed in fashion, then NOT matching is a safer bet.
Here’s an example of a matchy matchy situation that has gone totally wrong (uh.. there goes my “all white is chic” theory)
And here’s an example of a girl rocking the matching lipstick, dress and shoes against her alabaster skin and striking black hair.
Skintight clothing
Fitted clothing does not mean skin tight clothing.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to say much on this topic, because unless you are anorexic, super young, very fit, muscular and PERFECT (umm you fall in the 3% category of supermodels then), you should not wear super tight clothing.
First, it’s uncomfortable, and second it’s unattractive to everyone – men AND women.
If you cannot fit into a size 6, that means you are a size 8. If you cannot fit into a size 8, then we head into the double-digits and you are a size 10.
Women who are chic, stylish and gorgeous at any shape or size, are NOT trying to squeeze themselves into skintight clothing, their breasts pushed up to their chin in badly fitted undergarments and fat just oozing in places it should not be oozing out of — the back, the sides (muffin top), the front belt band.. you get the idea.
And if wearing tight sexy clothes to get a guy’s attention is your goal, then you should know that you’ll only attract BAD attention (”WOW, look at that girl, she is going to be easy to get into bed tonight”).
I am not saying become a nun, I am saying cover it up a bit, and wear slightly looser (but still fitted) clothing.
Here are some examples of bad, ill-fitting, unflattering tops.
And here is a dressy, billowy dress done right (first two), and a belt to make a third dress more fitted.
We often hear from women “what is he wearing!?!” It’s either he is not dressy enough, the pants are too tight or too baggy, he is trying too hard and everything else you can imagine in the middle. Men don’t like to put in the effort with their sense of style or sometimes a bit too much of an effort! Well fellas, lucky for you we have gathered some tips from women, men and designers to help you without causing too much stress in your life.
Do’s:
Pinstripes/Houndtooth are classic. Perfect for formal or more casual occasions, the detailing on jeans/virgin wool pants spices up what otherwise might be an ordinary ensemble. But stick with flat fronts. Always.
The sports jacket is a must. There are many styles to fit your personailty, but they can be worn jeans to dress pants as well as a button up to a printed tee underneath.
Jeans: Find a style that enhances your best features, but they should always “fit.” Colors, washes and textures can changes every season in the world of fashion, but every man needs a “go to” pair and if fitted right, you can dress them up and down.
Wear color! There is no rule that a man can’t wear pink or purple, it shows confidence if you do. But not everyone can pull it off, however sticking to neutral colors makes you just fit in the crowd instead of diversifying yourself.
The Shoes … one of the first essential pieces people look in a man’s wardrobe. Unlike women, men do not need a hundred pairs so invest in several good ones. You can throw off your whole “look” with a rundown or mismatched pair.
Don’ts:
Don’t forget the “ratio” of the cargo short pocket. You like cargo shorts, fine. But if you are over the age of 21 and not in a frat anymore, pull them up, keep the pocket ratio and size to a minimum.
Don’t over accessorize. One or two items is enough for a man. A classic watch and a ring. No need for the thumb ring, long chain necklace with the v-neck and a flashy watch. You are trying too hard if you go this route.
Flip flops work for the house, beach and vacation. But please, and we repeat please, do not wear them out past 5pm unless you truly want to make a girl look the other direction. Sacrifice your comfort.
Don’t be a walking advertisement. The A&F, D&G and big logo t-shirts can be recycled into sleepwear (if you wear clothes to bed that is).